But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
