alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
