woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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