I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
