$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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