SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
