he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
