You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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