Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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