Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
