I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
