Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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