It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
