Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
