Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
