careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
