my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
