Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
