wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
