Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
