why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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