It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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