Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
