So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
