I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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