I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
