party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
