I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
