I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
