Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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