just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
