It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
