Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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