Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
