hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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