i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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