It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
