It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
