i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
