So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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