I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
