woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize