i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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