i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
