maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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