Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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