my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
