One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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