I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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