I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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