there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
