Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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