he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
