i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
