i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
