For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
