i think my tv is drunk
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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