oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
