I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
