I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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