Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
