I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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