That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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