I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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