i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
