If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
