I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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